This Is Mildly Blowing Up

Insomuchas three blogs I read took the time to mention Kay Hymowitz's Love in the Time of Darwinism in the past day or so.

It got a link at Mindless Ramblings.
The ladies got their say over at Jezebel. And,
The fellas got theirs via Roissy.

The impression I'm left with is that the kids are figuring this stuff out and adapting. There's a wide chasm between the social viewpoints of the latter two blogs listed above, but they both kinda get to the same place, approaching from different directions.

Share this

I'll start off

Just finished reading the article. Some thoughts:

* I guess I'm one of these SYMs. By my age, most men 50 years ago had married and had at least one kid. Yet I have no desire to marry. There's a lot more risk in marriage for a man than a woman due to the law. I've seen a few friends get married and get shafted. An example is one who was happily (he thought) married to a woman, with a kid, in California. She cheated on him, divorced him, moved to West Virginia, took the kid, and now he can barely pay his own bills after he pays hers while she sits at home all day. He's essentially her slave. His life is in shambles. Why should I take that kind of risk? The payoff better be really good.

* I try to think of myself as having a 10 year "handicap". Whatever people way back when thought men should be doing at age X, I plan on holding off till I'm at least X + 10 years old. I've been doing the delayed gratification thing for so long, I forget that real life is eventually going to happen. Why not enjoy it for a while when it does?

* Game is bilateral. Before men started learning Game, women perfected it. The Rules was just a modern version of Game for women, but even long before that, women have been talking Game. My observation is that women talk Game from the time they're adolescents onward. They have several long-established magazines (Cosmo, etc) devoted entirely to women's Game. Much of women's social interactions with other women are built around discussing Game. It's only recently that men's Game has become popular.

* As knowledge diffuses through the culture, it will become less and less relevant, much like knowledge is essentially irrelevant to the stock market these days. Nobody can try to beat the stock market by obtaining more knowledge than the rest of us because knowledge spreads nearly instantly to everyone because everyone will know it. Similarly, Knowledge of Game will soon be irrelevant. What will matter all the more is Execution. Knowing Game is one thing; Executing it is another.

Stock Market knowledge

knowledge is essentially irrelevant to the stock market these days. Nobody can try to beat the stock market by obtaining more knowledge than the rest of us because knowledge spreads nearly instantly to everyone because everyone will know it.

One aspect of irrelevance of knowledge to the Stock Market is that the individual buyer can afford to be ignorant. Borrow a monkey, have it throw darts at the listings, and buy the stocks it hits.

Are you saying that a man can do just as well without knowing Game at all?

Are you saying that a man

Are you saying that a man can do just as well without knowing Game at all?

No, I'm saying that a guy who thinks knowing Game will be a benefit to him is wrong just like a guy who thinks knowing stuff about drug development will lead him to greater returns in the biotech stock market is wrong.

But that seems to be the same thing

The flip side of "knowing Game is not actually a benefit" is:

"not knowing Game is not actually a problem."

I'm not sure that's true, which is why I asked. Here are two scenarios:

Scenario 1) All men have to know Game to have a chance. A man who knows Game is at the same level as everyone else, and so enjoys no advantage over them. However, he at least enjoys an advantage over the rare loser who does not know Game.

Scenario 2) Once sufficiently many men know Game, it is no longer a benefit to know Game. Not only does it not give a man an advantage over other men who know Game. In additionally, he enjoys no advantage over men who do not know Game.

Scenario (2) is the situation in the stock market. Scenario (1) is the situation in a typical competitive industry.

Ah, good point

A more fitting evaluation would be that it's a Red Queen scenario, just like with all sexual evolution: either evolve and stay with the curve, or bite the dust.

What about prenups? The

What about prenups? The default marriage contract sucks, if you want to marry, get a prenup. Not getting one is crazy. Of course the wife might disagree with that, there are possibly two reasons

- She intends to cheat you out of your property:
Thief, do not marry
- She believes the state's default marriage is somehow sacred:
Statist, do not marry
- She wants your trust although you both have a free option not to rely on trust
Irrational, do not marry

I don't trust judges to uphold prenups

Surely, her lawyer will say that it was signed under duress or that it is grossly asymmetric.

Do judges hold up pre-nups regularly? If so, what kind of pre-nups?

That is a concern for me as

That is a concern for me as well, there are workarounds though.

- A videotaped chat with the loved one discussing in plain terms what the prenup involves will go a long way.
- Letting know your loved one that you believe in vigilante justice.
- Being financially creative, putting your money into companies you do not own but control, etc.

If You Have Children

Prenups are essentially worthless in almost every state. "The best interests of the child(ren)," override(s) any agreement between the adults in regards to how assets are divided and what alimony and child support payment will be.

The law states that the child(ren)'s standard of living can't be impacted by the divorce, which means whichever parent is awarded custody gets the house and receives payments to keep their standard of living unchanged. The problem is, the family has lost their economy of scale as a result of the divorce and the family's standard of living will invariably fall as a result. This means one parent will take the economic hit almost completely on the chin.

Although the law is worded gender neutral, it is exceedingly rare that a man be awarded custody. Even joint custody is misleading. That usually equates to the man having a say in what school his child(ren) attend and being given visitation rights, but there's no split where the children are equally his and the expenses are split.

The rub is, a man's ex-wife can spend her alimony and child support however she wishes (she is not required to show that the child support is being used for the child(ren)). Also, if a man becomes more successful after the divorce, the court generally increases his payments proportionally, but rarely if ever lowers his payments if he becomes unemployed, and changing professions and taking a lower paying job for non-financial reasons is out of the question because the court won't lower a man's obligations - whereas I've seen men in happy and stable marriages do this frequently. One of my friends in high school's father left an elevated post at the insurance company Fortis to become a minister. It was a decision that meant a great deal to the man and his family. But good luck swinging that if you're divorced with child(ren). You can go off and become a minister, buy you're still going to have Fortis executive type obligations.

I really wonder if I'll ever officially get married. There's nothing about the marriage license itself that changes an already exclusive, committed longterm relationship. And the idea that my partner could break the business agreement, even when I want it to remain intact, and shoulder me with all of the costs (even when I want it to remain intact!), scares the living hell out of me.

Wilde's friend's situation is not an outlier. Men are often driven into bankruptcy, etc.

And even prenups in general aren't allowed to overrule any state laws on the books regarding alimony and the distribution of assets, even in childless divorces. A prenup is at best a guide the judge can choose to use if they see fit.

I really wonder if I'll ever

I really wonder if I'll ever officially get married.

Probably not--at least not in California, given the way things are going.

Summer Vacation

We still on for that trip to Toronto?

I really wonder if I'll ever

I really wonder if I'll ever officially get married.

I don't even think you can safely unofficially get married -- common law marriage and all that.

You can if you're gay

A gay couple can safely unofficially get married wherever gay marriage is not recognized by the state. Unfortunately some assholes are trying to legalize gay marriage, dooming homosexuals to the same dark fate as heterosexuals.

It might be okay in a

It might be okay in a same-sex marriage, as it'd be hard to apply gender bias in the distribution of assets and assignment of custody, and you'd still get the tax breaks. Maybe they just try to keep things consistent and favor the twinks over the bears?

Funny

*funny*

I think I heard Bill Maher once say:

(in regards to gay marriage)

"Everyone has a right to be miserable."

There's nothing about the

There's nothing about the marriage license itself that changes an already exclusive, committed longterm relationship.

Taxes
Immigration
Healthcare benefits

I Meant

Romantically and all - saying that the license itself is just a business contract.

Not quite true. Many people

Not quite true. Many people feel the need that a higher authority sanctions the marriage. Obviously, it's been religion for a long time. In some countries (France for example), it is illegal for a priest to religiously marry an unmarried (from the state's point of view) couple (illegal as in going to jail). Most atheists, will turn to the state as the closest social authority to marry them. Btw, I may be wrong but I think this is what gay marriage is mostly about, getting married religiously in front of the government.

Atheist

I can attest to being an atheist and if I ever did lose my balls, I'd def go through the state.

Hopefully this bleak future will never seize into my existence. If it does, I've advised close friends to shoot me on site.

Uhhh

KE:

Advice: Be yourself, and get some milf! End of story.