The Brown Revolt

From Craigslist:

im brown, on the metro and messin with your head

Reply to: anon-88497684@craigslist.org
Date: Tue Aug 02 11:14:14 2005

Ever since Sept 11, but especially after the London subway bombings, i have been getting "the look" on public transportation and at airports. To put it mildly, my days of picking up girls on a plane are over. Shit, getting up to piss on a plane causes at least one lady on a plane to piss herself. It's like a chain reaction.

It's strange for me to get these looks since i was born in this country, have lived the American dream lifestyle, hang out with very few other brown skinned folk and often forget that im not white (you know, american). Im proud of my background/culture, but im american first and only. I dont have an accent, a dot or a large cobra rapped around my head (except on tuesdays). Im your typical poser hipster indian living in DC, trying to get my hands on as much smoke, beer and ass as i can. But step on the metro with my black non-descript outfit and black backpack (remember, im pseudo hipster) and suddenly i transform into Allah-kazam bin Laden. I frighten tourists from nebraska with my brown skin and my indifferent stare. I freak out commuters who, despite living in diverse virginia, still cant tell the difference between a mexican banger and a hindu priest. (clue: banger is wearing clothes).

I used to get pissed (but only at home, alone & in the fetal position) but i have recently come to terms with this racism. Of course racism is gonna happen, and minorities, let me be the first to say- have fun with it. Here's how:

When on metro:
1. look nervous about nothing. check your watch. open and close your phone. whatever. It'll freak out someone.
2. mumble to yourself. I do this anyway (too many shroom trips during college), but throw in some gibberish to really convince them you are close to getting those 72 virgins. I usually speak french…they cant tell.
3. open your book bag at least 3 times. As soon as you reach for the bag, look at their reactions. kodak moments all over the place.

My dream is to go on a plane, act crazy suspicious (you know, exactly like all the other terrorists: wearing an obvious turban, sweating profusely and issuing fatwa's), basically inviting some white folk to beat the shit out of me. Then when they open my bags, it will be full of bibles and medicine for sick children. Then i'll sue all the muthafuckers and go live on some island with all my money and broken bones. Now that's the american dream.

Now, im sure someone out there, maybe even another brown skin person, is saying that i shouldn't do that cause it causes unnecessary attention, harm or spreads hate and distrust. Well, guess what? You're absolutely right. But you know what else? Fuck you. cause i gotta deal with this bullshit everyday on the metro. The goddamn metro. It's not even a cool subway like NYC or in Paris. The lame ass DC metro.

Hey Spoonie - how ya gettin by?

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funny shit. one thing I've

funny shit.
one thing I've learned from my Indian friends. they are hands down the coolest muthafuckas around.

one thing I’ve learned

one thing I’ve learned from my Indian friends. they are hands down the coolest muthafuckas around.

I agree. Can't get much cooler.

nelziq, I find myself dying

nelziq, I find myself dying to know what happened. Care to fill in the details?

Amen my brotha! Frankly

Amen my brotha! Frankly being brown at major transportation hubs makes ME more nervous than it makes other people. Humor helps me get through it and I am reknowned (or reviled) for my completely innapporiate humor. Let me tell anyone who is considering this guys advice this: telling gaurds at an Isreali checkpoint that your fists are deadly weapon is NOT a good idea, no matter how funny it sounded in your head.

unfortunately I'm not able

unfortunately I'm not able to take the metro to work :(

one thing I do fault a lot of Indian people in America and England with is that they are looking to be a victim of racism. Two people can have the same experience and take it completely differently. Prime example is Apu on the Simpsons, personally I think he's a great character and am glad to have him represent Indian people. Others (mostly on the left) are appaulled by Apu and find it disgraceful and racist to have an Indian character with a long lastname owning a Kwik-E-Mart and 20 kids.

on the rare occasion I am searched at the airport, it doesn't bother me. I don't give attitude to the TSA folks and they let me pass quickly enough. (airport security is a whole separate thread) If they can search old purple haired ladies in jumpsuits why should I be offended when they search me?

I'm not so naive to say that some element of racism doesn't exist in all societies but in my experience America is by far one of the least racist countries. (Canada is an open question since their immigrants basically use them as a passthrough for the U.S.)

but what is someone like myself or the anonymous Craigslist hipster supposed to do about it? I like using humor as a weapon to break down barriers although some of the things he suggests may not be so funny to fellow passengers. I say be yourself and go ahead and hit on the cute girl holding on to the railing. What do you have to lose? And when everyone sees you're just out for the same things they are they mind their own business. Of course you could also wear your Bush/Cheney t-shirt on the metro everyday.

Do that in London and get

Do that in London and get your arse shot. Not terribly bright really now is it?:wall:

"I used to get pissed (but

"I used to get pissed (but only at home, alone & in the fetal position) but i have recently come to terms with this racism. "

It's not racism. It's stereotyping. There is a difference.

nmg

It closes at 3 on the

It closes at 3 on the weekends. And I'll take a little walk to Adam's Morgan over worrying about sitting in some bum's urine.

Brown, Eyed Guy Is MWB

Brown, Eyed Guy
Is MWB (Metroing While Brown) the new DWB (Driving While Black)? (via Catallarchy)...

But travel is all

But travel is all urine-soaked. Surely you're underestimating the value of urea-free transportation.

Still, thats 3pm, and only

Still, thats 3pm, and only on the weekends. London and NYC have mass transit, DC has an underground train that serves the Federal area and a few other places, thats it.

Seconded.

Seconded.

THe DC Metro barely goes

THe DC Metro barely goes anywhere and closes at or around midnight. No respectable metro system closes at midnight.

It’s not even a cool

It’s not even a cool subway like NYC or in Paris. The lame ass DC metro.

What!? The DC Metro is far better than the nasty NY Metro.

I get as much joy from

I get as much joy from annoying stupid people as the next guy, but this strikes me as a dangerous and irresponsible idea. People should be wary of suspicious behavior, and intentionally causing false alarms may cause some people to hesitate to raise the alarm in the event of a real attack.

Eh, they're ok.

Eh, they're ok.

Indian immigrants are the

Indian immigrants are the staunchest americans we have. Hands down. 2nd place goes to any asian immigrant.

nmg