Appropriate Moniker

If you missed the news lately, DC has decided to pay rich people to provide toys for the affluent- i.e. DC has managed to wrest away the mediocre Expos from Montreal, subsidizing the new owners ahead of time with municipal tax funds (via sales & corporate taxes, which are passed on also to the consumers, i.e. 'disproportionately' the poorer/working class folk of DC) to renovate RFK stadium (paying the rich folk) to provide a product that costs a family of four roughly $150 for a game (toy for the affluent if you assume regular patronage at that price, for the middle class if occasional, and maybe, maybe some entertainment for the lower middle class once a year, if you assume cheap seats instead of nice ones).

But all of the usual corporate welfare bollocks aside, David Bernstein poses the real question- what to name this new, soon-to-depart-when-the-welfare-runs-out baseball team? Given that 'Expos' makes no sense for DC (and little sense back in Montreal), the name ought to recognize some salient characteristic of the town.

So, some possibilities off the top of my head:

    The Washington Welfare Kings

(apt, but impolitic)

    The Washington Generals

(Historically and War-time appropriate, and akin to the infamous patsy basketball team the Globetrotters beat on, we can expect them to lose almost all of their games for the foreseeable future)

    The Washington Presidents

(An unmerited promotion from Senators, and besides there's plural problems)

    The Washington Representatives

(a demotion from Senators, but the Senators name seems to inspire flight from the city)

    The Washington Postmen

(too corporate; possibly too USPSy)

    The Washington Spies

(inaccurate, as the spies are in Langley)

    The Washington Taxmen

(far too fearsome a name for such a mediocre band)

    The Washington Regulators

(this one has promise, but I think the actual regulators wouldn't have a sense of humor about it)

    The Washington Monthlies

(about how long they'll stay in DC once nobody shows up; but also too Kevin Drum-y)

    The Washington Metros

(like the old name, and represents a mass transit system that is too expensive, doesn't go to the places you want, and shuts down too early- which is also apt for the ex-Expos, come to think of it)

    The Washington DCs

(too cutesy, and too close to 'The Washington Disease', but also somewhat apt if you think about it)

and my favorite,

The Washington Wonks. You could go old-school and put an X at the end (Wonx!), and perhaps older-school still by making a Red/Blue state riff (the Blue Wonx, the Red Wonx; split the difference with the Purple Wonx, but that sounds too Prince-y). I'd go see the Wonx play, just for the name.

Go Wonx!

Share this

Inside the city, Metro's

Inside the city, Metro's pretty nice. Outside of the city, it's worse than useless.

- Josh

More D.C. Baseball Team

More D.C. Baseball Team Names:
Brian Doss has some clever suggestions. And a reader suggests "The Washington Disenfranschised."

Washington Policy Washington

Washington Policy
Washington Squares
Washington Mint
Washington Swamp
Washington Cherry Trees
Washington Dollars
Washington Quarters (would work better for football and hoops)
Washington Whigs (less obscure than Baltimore Ravens)
Washington Filibusters is out (there's already a Phillies)
The District Non-voting Representatives
Washington Monuments (phallic imagery: bat with a reflecting pool)
Washington Watergates
Washington Diplomats (D-mats doesn't sound exactly like doormats, does it?)

How about "The Washington

How about "The Washington Bureaucrats"?

Or, more ominously, "The Washington Tyrants".

Or, maybe, "The Washington Boondoggles".

I would be partial to the

I would be partial to the name "Washington Eagles", personally. I'm hearing "Washington Nationals" and "Washington Grays" tossed about a lot, too. I do like the "Washington Generals".

DC Expos A variety of posts

DC Expos
A variety of posts on the web about renaming the Expos:

So far entries at http://www.wtopnews.com/index.php?nid=398&sid=284621
WTOP radio's website include:

The Most Popular: (in no particular order)
Senators
Nationals
Federals...

How about the Washington

How about the Washington G-Men?

The Washington Beltway Boys

The Washington Beltway Boys

You are all missing the

You are all missing the obvious: The Washington Bureaucracy. Individual players would be Washington Bureaucrats. Of course, the team would need a couple of good hitters to insure that everyone continues to fear the power of the Bureaucracy.

:lol: at Washington

:lol: at Washington Monuments!

The popular names are the most apt in the real world (in terms of naming traditions). I bet they go back to being the Senators, but the Federals might be the #2 pick, though "Nationals" might work as a milquetoast alternative to history, but it is also the old name of the DC airport...

Metro is fine to get to Federal Triangle, the Mall, the Smithsonian, etc. It also can get you to the tony neighborhoods in Northwest, or the Hood (essentially the Green Line inside the district), but if you want to go someplace between the Rich (er, Red) line and the Hood, you're pulling up lame. And there is a lot of DC between those two lines.

Of course, Orange Line is the way to go. ^_^ (alas, I live outside the beltway now, but being almost right on top of the O-line in Arlington was sooooo convenient when I worked downtown).

My favorite so far: The

My favorite so far:

The Washington Damn Bitch Set Me Up

i like the G-men, but with

i like the G-men, but with non-mass-noun names emerging of late (i.e., the WNBA's Liberty), what about . . . the Washington Union?

too divisive?

Appropriate for a HS mascot,

Appropriate for a HS mascot, but perhaps not so much for DC as a whole, would be the "Cold Warriors".

I always wondered why some HS near Langley didn't adopt that mascot/nickname. Its a fresh take-off on all the myriad 7 tired "warriors" variety. Though it may suggest folks who don't actually fight except behind the scenes, and thus would win by sabotaging their opponents & spying on them, and perhaps supporting proxy games against them. Ok, I'm overthinking the metaphor, but still... If Annandale can be cool enough to call themselves the Atoms, why isn't some other school cool enough to be Cold Warriors? (George Marshall HS calls themselves the Statesmen, which seems a little off to me, but I suppose you could consider a desk general a Statesman)

Either the "DC Murderers" or

Either the "DC Murderers" or the "Washington [Crime]Waves" would be apt.

I like the Washington

I like the Washington Partisans.

I'm surprised nobody has

I'm surprised nobody has suggested the obvious:

"The Washigton Pork Barrels"

I think the Washington

I think the Washington Taxpayer Rip-Off would be appropriate.

Washington

Washington Federalies
Washington Leeches
Washington Spin
Washington Special Interests

How about the Washington

How about the Washington Blowhards...